have hope and don't let go

BRUNO MAJOR - NOTHING

This playlist is very contradicting to today's post. But precisely, because I need some positive/self-love vibes.

03 December 2021
My post on 3rd Dec "Hehe, positive updates coming up. SO... he has made a huge improvement recently. Ever since we convinced him to visit this particular doctor, whom prescribed him medications for appetite and mood. He's been eating so much these days (since the second half of november), even going for night snacks and a cup of warm milo to end the night UvU He's also bent on quitting his cigarettes and alcohol (the cause of his declining vision) before his next birthday (his own goal) Kudos to him! And his positive change in attitude has only fueled our perserverance and support for him OvO"

07 December 2021
What I didn't know, was that the mental poison and toxins were slowly but surely injected into his thoughts for the past week... Negative things... He spent his whole day chatting to his mom and his toixic friends. Us upon returning home from work, he came to the dining room, drunk, and lashed out at us.

08-11 December 2021
He has been calling his fake friends to complain to them about us, his family. On top of that, his drunk antics whereby he shouts inaudible phrases and vulgarities. Backstory: So he was betrayed by someone he trusted a lot 3 years ago, and because of that incident, he has been chided and stressed out by his mom. But he respects his mom so much, as she is the matriarch of the family, that in his head, he spun a story about how his wife and children are the ones stressing him out. The upgrade to a bigger house did add to that conclusion.

12 December 2021
I can't stand it any longer, for the whole night he was drunk shouting in his sleep. In the morning, I could hear him bad-mouthing the family to his toxic friends, who encourages him to make the worst decisions: divorcing, splitting the sales of the current house, get a mistress and migrate to thailand/vietnam. What kind of friends does this?! He also claimed he saw a female ghost the night before and was frantically shouting while on the phone with his mom. This scared her, and she asked that we send him over to her place for a few days, to avoid the "ghost" and for him to recuperate (hopefully free of alcohol).

Not sure if we did the right thing... Of the two bads; her and his brother, or his friends. At that point, I was just so disappointed in him already... Although he was hardly around while growing up (due to his work), I respected him a lot for his upright character and the love I thought he had for his family. But for him to think so badly of his wife and his children... when the ones in need of borrowing money (his friends) or eyeing his savings (...) Also, some of the revelations of his private life during his overseas trips with his friends...

After this recent drama, I could tell that my siblings and I are fatigued, exhausted. My mom was always the one whom held on, for him, for us, despite the strain in their relationship. For the past 2 years, where we have been listening to his drunk talks and trying to encourage him to no avail. Til recently, when we thought he finally was determined to recuperate his health and look forward in life...

Over the weekends, I realised how this incident have impacted my mental state as well... Just months back, I held on to this hope, for a better future, that I would find someone who understands me and we could build something together... But am I worthy of it, if my surrounding was this complicated, and part of my responsibility, how would I ever break free. My siblings have slowly moved out of the home, sisters married off, brother currently looking for a home with his wife, where eventually I would be the only left to take care of my parents (?)
My dream persists... I would love to travel the world, maybe in future when on honeymoon... -ᴗ-

and I sit here alone and far from you

SAPIENTDREAM - PAST LIVES

(my recent captures of the sky)

it is the smallest thing that saves us

Just sharing, to spread the chill mood~
Was exposed to this singer's (keshi's) song 2, 3 years back, while exploring indie/alternative songs on youtube :) Helps put one in a relaxed mood/state.

For me, it has always been music.
It helps me to rewire my state of mind, to explore my emotions or to stay positive UvU

Saturday
Met up with xinyun and chewen for brunch at Le Jardin, Fort Canning Park. The climb up was torturing, under the intense heat :B Always a good catch up with them, with lots of gossips (of the entertainment industry, korean, taiwan, local etc) and laughter ;) We also decided to meet up for a Christmas dinner and gift exchange in town, on the actual day. Afterwhich, we headed to Orchard, before heading our seperate ways. The jam on the journey there was terrible though O.O Everyone's back in town, scurrying, buying christmas presents. Xinyun wanted to window shop for a purse/bag while chewen accompanied her.

I, on the other hand, headed over to ION to meet one of my cousins, shawn, to aid him in searching for his groomsmen suit. The search got us travelling back to Jewel, Changi, due to the lack of his size. Ended up with me buying some Pokemon items for my nephew, Jared's belated birthday :P Headed back to his place to meet up with the rest for a game of mahjong (with dickson, my aunt and nicholas' gf) to end the night, two full rounds to be exact... which we kept laughing throughout, due to their crazy talks and poking fun at each other. Laughed so hard that my contact lens fell out.

someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. this too, was a gift. i want all of you.

NEW WEST - KIDS WHO STOLE THE WORLD

Recent upbeat song on repeat, which the lyrics revolves around the criminal couple, bonnie and clyde. Hence, my inspiration for this playlist. Realised how I've been listening to songs from this band New West these days. This song, "Kids who stole the world", kind of reminds me of Oasis and Robbie Williams(?)

Feeling burned out... need more outings or interactions with others. Maybe a game of basketball with the cousins, or movie dates with friends, anything v_v Used to love my alone time, but recently feeling a bit devoid of emotions(?) And too much burying of negative emotions, stress from work, responsibilities, and etc...

Been watching snippets of game segments from Jimmy Fallon's Late Night show, which got me laughing a bit more. I find the different guests and their reactions during the games so interesting. I think I've always been curious about people, social interactions (sociology), history, outerspace, scientific theories and the unknown. It's conflicting, my introverted self, and my thirst for knowledge.

Recently, John Cena (ex-WWE wrestler, whom I find quite insightful and open to new ideas, like how he became a fan of Kpop all that) quoted a phrase from The Outsiders, "Stay gold, ponyboy". Memories of lit lessons, the emotions felt while reading the book, and the grainy movie which our literature teacher showed us in class, all flooded back to me. It really left an impression, the characters, their struggles in the cold, prejudiced society, and their brotherhood.

I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, you can only choose to accept them or walk away

Friday
Headed to the kiddos' house to celebrate Jared's birthday. Had hotpot, some wine, and played lots with the kids. Hide and seek, riddles, watched "Luca", and watching them play nintedo switch X) Didn't join in cause I was catching up with my sis. Finally ended the night with cake cutting. Missed them so much, especially not being able to see them so often due to the current situation. And whenever they visted my parents at home, I would be at work.

Jared seemed so happy, smiling innocently throughout the night, the usually mature and sensible older brother he is. Jairus being as cheeky and hyper as usual (my partner-in-crime), and Javier being a sweetheart, talking lots more than usual and sitting on my lap throughout the movie.

Sunday
Skipped the invite to my cousin's place on Saturday, a bit regretful as I saw that they spent their night playing chinese chess X) I ain't good at it, but it seemed fun. Been a long time since I caught up with them too :| As for Sunday, drove my mom to Pasir Ris farmway to buy plants. Though we arrived at some fishing quarry... The nursery only occupied a small area of the property, and after feeding the mosquitoes at the nursery for some time, I made my way to the fishing quarry, found myself a spot, and watched pepople fishing.

Though it was a hot and humid day, being away from the hustle and bustle, at such an ulu place... it actually felt good and relaxing. Fishing is also on my bucket list, one of the activities I would like to experience :) My bucket list... which has been thwarted due to covid. These days, have been cooped up at home :( Need more activites and meet ups, aside from MT :)

fall for someone who makes you love yourself a bit more

One day, you will meet this person - this incredible human who will treat you with so much love and respect that you won't know what to do with it. One day, a beautiful person with soft eyes will gaze at you steadily and you will forget all the reasons why you were scared to trust them. You will forget the hurt, the anxiety and the confusion that love has caused you in the past and you will just trust this process. You will realise that the someone can enter your life at the most unexpected time and despite telling yourself that you won't let love in again - you welcome it with open arms. You will learn that some people are good for your heart and gentle to your soul. Some people delve into your life with an infectious laughter and bring with them the kind of sunlight that you never want to lose. One day, you will meet a kind soul who might not know too much about love or feelings, but they will know a lot about being tender and patient with those they care about, and it will be these traits that you will fall for. It will be their heart and their warm soul, a warmth that they don't even realise they have, that you will fall for. One day, you will come across this person and everything will finally fall into place.

-ruby dhal

I hope to meet someone like that, or to be such a person to someone :)

reflecting on everything all around me

Friday
Finally took leave today, cause weiqi has a block leave for the week and we planned to have one day full of activities. Headed to Bedok Mall at 10:30am for lunch at Sushiro (opens at 11am) :P Afterwhich, budd accompanied me to Haji Lane and Golden Mile to browse some gloves during the idle time we had before the movie showtime. So conflicted on which pair of gloves to get :B Stopped by to try Arabica, which we both thought, either we chose the wrong flavour, or the coffee was overhyped and overpriced :|

We then headed to Kallang Leisure Park's Filmgarde to watch Venom UvU Also realised that Eternals was now showing as well. Oh wells, choices. Shall watch that another day. And for the final activity, we headed to Kallang Wave Mall for a session of the YouthCreates Shredder Series (basically a crash course for skateboarding). We signed up for the level one session even though we had some practice sessions on our own prior to this.

Great session nonetheless! We revisted the basics, and learnt some new techniques: frontside and backside kickturns. After the one hour session, we had a 20 min badminton session cause the YouthCreates badminton booth approached us ^.^" We then explored the running tracks at the Outdoor Stadium and to our surprise & envy, we saw many people "surfboarding" on their skateboards/longboards.

We had dinner at Astons and ended the night finding a spot along the Outdoor Staduim (where many people were seated around), facing the CBD night lights. Bought some milk tea from Chi Cha San Chen and took turns to practice on weiqi's skateboard. Makes me wnna get a skateboard too, to start praticing the techniques we learnt. My penny board (which I bought years ago from Giant) is way too small to do any moves aside from just cruising.



The toxicity... the toxic behaviours that they are displaying u_u

He has been displaying signs of depression, due to the stress from his mom and brothers, as well as the betrayal he experienced 2 years ago. Nowadays, he seems to want to torment himself through drowning his sorrows and rejecting meals. Yet he doesn't realise that his ordeal is also causing those around him to suffer (due to worrying for him, and stressing over his health). And the fact that he doesn't heed the advice of those who truly care for him...

She, on the other hand, despite her care and concern for him, is becoming more demanding. She expects things to go her way, and takes for the granted the effort/things that others do for her. She sometimes vents her frustrations on others, when she feels lost at what she should do next. And she doesn't realise that she hurts others with her words.

but their eyes when they met spoke more fondly and kissed tenderly

SPIRITED AWAY OST

H A P P Y H A L L O W E E N ! ! ! ;)

During dinner time today, my brother decided to play Spirited Away on Netflix, again. Think it's the 8th time rewatching the movie? He said it was my favourite film by Hayao Miyazaki, however I retorted that my favorite was actually Howl's Moving Castle. Despite, I still finished watching the whole film, again. Hayao Miyazaki's films always manages to create this magical world for us to dive in, away from our realistic lives. And there is always some new insight gained from rewatching his films.

For one, Hayao Miyazaki depicted Chihiro/Sen, as such a strong-willed and determined protagonist. Rather, she didn't have much of a choice. At first, she was seen as being so afraid of this new world around her, and sought to Kohaku/Haku for help and support, but he told her that she would have to get used to life around here herself. Throughout the whole film, we indeed witness her growth as she garnered strength and courage with every obstacle faced.

Hayao portrayed Chihiro as a hardworking young girl, whom was not greedy and easily loved by the new people she met, such as Kamaji and Lin (they showed sympathy for her while the other bathhouse workers ostracized her, being human). Hayao gave Chihiro such an innocent attribute, in contrast to the reality of society these days, where people are tempted by the thought of gaining more wealth. When the Stink spirit (who was in fact the spirit of a polluted river) came to the bathhouse, the bathhouse workers all avoided to serve him, except Chihiro, whom provided him with a herbal bath and unclogged the pollution from his river body.

Despite the chaos and fearful characters she faced, Chihiro still showed kindness and was not judgemental of the strangers she met. Towards no-face, she still believed there was goodness in him despite him devouring the bathhouse workers and taking on their greedy, selfish characteristics. She eventually led him into the care of the kind hearted witch, Zeniba. Despite, (the bad witch) Yubaba's baby, Boh, and Yubaba's assistant, treating Chihiro unkindly, she took great care of them while on the journey to find Zeniba.

Lastly, the relationship between Chihiro and Kohaku... their interactions were so subtle, with little focus. However, one can feel the care and support they have for each other. The fact that Kohaku actually remebered Chihiro from their past, short encounter, despite him not even remembering his own name... How he first helped Chihiro settle into Yubaba's world, how he brought her to see her confined parents, and how he comforted her when she felt helpless... How Chihiro tried to save Kohaku when he was gravely injured, and travelling to meet Zeniba to undo his mistake, as well as seeking a solution to heal him.

Towards the end of the film, when Chihiro was able to leave with her parents, but Kohaku had to stay behind in his world, and the soundtrack started playing in the background... made me tear a little. The thought of the two, not being able to see each other again... but with every separation, comes hope, that those fated to meet will meet again...

OSCAR LANG - YOU

learn to live without the person you can’t live without

FINNEAS - WHAT THEY'LL SAY ABOUT US

Healing myself :) Woke up at 8am on Saturday, super early for the weekends x) and headed to Adventure Cove with xinyun, chewen and shirley. Not sure if we have explored the entire theme park; We first went on the whirlpool and spiral washout, which was an exciting start, followed by the bluewater bay (with the waves) and the chill adventure river. The dueling racer was much milder than it looks, and we queued to go on the riptide rocket, which we all agreed was the most fun ride.

Had to wait til 2pm to go on the tidal twister and pipeline plunge, which were meh :| The rainbow reef was a surprise though, didn't expect myself to enjoy it so much, as it was my first try at snorkeling. My first time at Adventure Cove 8 years ago, we somehow didn't felt the urge to try it. Wouldn't mind going back just to experience rainbow reef again, swimming amongst the fishes while admiring the reefs and underwater ravines/'city'

Afterwhich, we headed to Coastes for late lunch. We sat seperately due to the 2 pax rule, and xinyun as usual, suggested that we order a jug of beer due to the price offer. Although we were proud for snatching up on the deal, we regretted it later feeling the bloatedness from all that drinking. Was super chill, people watching and chatting, if not for the burning sun shining upon us.
To end off the day, the four of us had some desserts at Baristart coffee, seated seperately again. Tried their coffee ice cream and their shaved ice (shiro kuma) 'v' Headed home around dinner time.

Going off topic: Years ago when I took the Myers Briggs personality test, I was an INFJ (one of the rarest personality 1.5%). But taking the test again recently, I got the INFP (4.4% of the population, so maybe I'm not so weird or unique afterall) o_o"

it is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve

romantic oldies

The two kinds of people;

You have to fight for your life, what you want/aim to achieve. Accords/achievements and relationships do not just fall into your hands. The determination lies within yourself.

Let go, they say. The more you yearn for something or someone, the further away it/they seems. Let go of any expectations, focus on yourself, live your life, and all will fall into place.

Well, I don't have much of the former... not really spurred by status or recognition... I do have some dream jobs which I would like to have a go at. But society's all about experience in your 20's, and changing lanes/industry in your 30's would be... tough. Was discussing this topic with leckqi and alvin during our meetup last month.

Have been in my current job for 6, 7 years already :\ ('family business', but then not really anymore...) Been seeing a lack of purpose in staying any longer, when there's so much unhappiness. Have been promising one of my cousins, and my friends that I would search for a new job the following year. Fingers crossed!

Haha, would sometimes discuss with weiqi, that in future, after we both settled down with our own families and kids, we would open a stationery or mama shop, or even a cafe. And we discussed about all the stuff we could sell. Take it easy being our own bosses xD And we could have the flexibilty of spending more time with our own families.

choose to be happy, choose to see things positively.

KESHI - US

Can't wait to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Ironically, I don't really know how... don't know what makes me truly happy. I do know how to distract myself from day to day problems, but somehow having this lonely feeling. Would be nice to share with someone the woes or the alternate reality in my imagination ;)

someone who will love me as much as I love the stars

SWAE LEE FT. JHENÉ AIKO - IN THE DARK

Finally watched =Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings= on Saturday with my mom and sister, after clearing out the remainder of my sis' room. It has been 8 months since she moved to her husbands' place as they wait for the completion of their own home.

Anyway, just wnna mention how I love that they incorporated the concept of Tai Chi in the movie. Tai Chi is mainly about balance and being at peace within oneself. I used to watch Hong Kong movies whereby a Tai Chi master is able to use the softest of movements to control an opponent's forceful attacks.

To be more exact, it is the embodiment of the Yin and the Yang , the Good and the Bad, the Light and the Darkness. If we are able to accept the flaws or negativity within ourselves, forgive ourselves, and be at peace within, then we'll be a much better self. In contrast to avoiding or denying them.

Looking back at the first quarter of my life, I have always been a quieter kid, whom entertains myself while my mom does her housework. My siblings and I have huge age gaps, and they would hang out with friends after school. I was pretty unsociable and shy in primary school.

In secondary school, I was much more positive and bonded well with my class in secondary one/two. However, somehow I dived back into my emo state in secondary three/four, having only a small group of my close friends. In Poly, it was pretty much the same, where I was closer with my first year's class, and distant from second/third years' classes.

Shifting into adulthood, I kept falling into a negative dark space at night, as I lay in bed in thoughts. Always thinking of the worse possibilities. But somehow, all that negativity gave rise to more positivity in a way, like "I've already thought of the worse that I could face, so in reality, if whatever I'm facing is of a lesser extent, it's all maneageable..."

Slowly but surely, from a negative and timid state, I grew more positive and unafraid of whatever comes my way. But I always keep in mind that, within me, it isn't all unicorns and rainbows. That there's also darkness which I keep hidden from others. But because both co-exists, I am whole and balanced :)

the things that excite you are not random

MALUMA & THE WEEKND - HAWÁI

Just dropping by :)
Not totally relating to the lyrics of the song, but the rhthym is pretty uplifting. Transports one to some island resort or coastal town. Was moving to the beat while in the shower XD

Speaking of islands and coastal towns... Can't wait to be able to travel again~ Would definitely wnna chill at some island of the neighbouring countries (bali, phuket etc). Or plan for a road trip at new zealand 'v'

attraction, not knowing if it will be returned

SAM SMITH - FIRE ON FIRE

Loads of overthinking this past week, making scenarios out in my own head, mostly negative ones.

There were some disagreements at home too, between the bro and mom :| But things eventually panned out, or in fact just subsides. Like some wave, to a point where both parties don't insist on their argument anymore. Dad lost his appetite over grandma's constant nagging about her home affairs. And he got warded yesterday while he went for his check up :(

He's not in any serious condition or anything, the doctor just suggested that he stayed over so that they could bring forward all his scans and scopes, which initially appointments were spread out over the next few weeks. Also, so that they could provide him with some medication to regain his appetite :>

Was pretty stressed over both events, but somehow "this too, shall pass", and things did indeed get better. For some time, these events made me forget about the constantly revolving question at the back of my mind. Coupled with some series watching on netflix, as well as, watching documentaries. Watched one yesterday about ancient egypt, on four past pharaoh queens, which also led me to refresh my memory on their list of gods too.

Lastly, a more positive song to end the post...

TOM MISCH - YOU'RE ON MY MIND

This too, shall pass
When things are bad, remember:
It won't always be this way.
Take one day at a time.

When things are good, remember:
It won't always be this way.
Enjoy every great moment.

(Persian poem by Farid al-Din Attar)

* googled the poem X)

have patience, heart

THE NEIGHBOURHOOD - STARGAZING

Mundane worklife... only addition to my thoughts are design ideas to our new home. Went tile shopping for the whole house last weekend, with fam and the ID. As well as practiced rollerblading with weiqi. Was trying to lift the board while mobile, however it was super tough with a penny board :|

This weekend, headed to my cousins' place to try their arcade game console with 1000 over games. Was exploring all the random games with nicholas while their girlfriends', mom and dickson were playing mahjong. Played for hours (4?) and had prata for supper :B They were commenting on how I should get one arcade console for my new home ;) nah, i'm contented with nintendo switch.

Weeknights are the usual, watching some tarot readings or random youtube surfing. Haven't been chasing any series recently :\ Last night, my brother introduced us to this Korean series D.P. on netflix, which highlights the undesirable nature of the military. Bullying. And as usual, my mom talked me into accompanying her, to finish watching all 6 episodes.

you're my favourite... and i won't lose you

Recently, playing this Lee Hi song on repeat, Only. The music video speaks for itself, the whole vibe and meaning.

Which reminds me of a quote from the novel/movie, A walk to remember

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

When will the dormant earth be shaken? Never losing hope.

the times we've lost, the feels now as the sun caresses my cheek

embrace femininity

Weekdays
Ever since phase 2 relaxed, life still revolves around work on weekdays plus looking forward to MT on thursdays and friday. However, I couldn't join Thursday's lesson due to a last minute request from my sis to help babysit her kids :| I mean I miss them kiddos lots, and it was real nice bonding, interacting with them :) but a part of me feels disappointed too that I couldn't go for MT :(

I went on Friday's lesson though, which left me exhausted. (am thinking if I'm weaker cause I seem to be losing a bit of weight recently. eating regularly though, not on a diet or anything :P) Walked home with budd (weiqi), and as usual, always lots to update each other and talk about. Ranting about her new job scope and mom rushing for her to move onto the next stage of her life ;)

Our moms are just so similar... however I'm way behind her in terms of life stages '_' Need to take more initiative to break out from my current status :')

Saturday
Met up with chewen and xinyun to watch the korean movie 'Sinkhole' as well as headed to Overeasy @ One Fullerton for dinner. Was a bit tipsy afterwards cause I had to gulp down the glasses of wine when the waitress came to inform us that they were clearing the cutlery and dishes. (always clearing the alcohol when out with friends :B)

We then sat by the Merlion and started our conversation on our ideal other halves... XD And xinyun was telling us stories of her friends' relationship problems recently. We were amused at how different our ideal types were; like xy didn't mind someone younger, but not someone older by too much and she was shocked at the age difference that cw and I could accept, for someone older. I guess our preferences do change with age.

Sunday
The Interior Designer dropped by our home today to finalise the discussions on renovation for our new house. Just to touch up the interior with exterior coats of paint of the dingy property aka our new home. My fam decided on going for the colonial type of look.

Afterwhich, met up with weiqi to practice her newly bought skatebought. I brought my penny board which has been rotting in my room since 6 years back? Afterwhich we sat around and chilled with our teh pengs. Felt good to be heading out over the weekends, looking forward to more activities, especially since the govt has eased on the restrictions.

i spent most nights at home falling in love with the idea of you

rhythm and blues (?) soul (?) clueless

Was humming/singing Sleeping At Last - Venus last night while showering, and really loved the lyrics to the song. So here it is...

Sleeping At Last - Venus

The night sky once ruled my imagination
Now I turn the dials with careful calculation
After a while, I thought I'd never find you
I convinced myself that I would never find you
When suddenly I saw you

At first I thought you were a constellation
I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation
You're as beautiful as endless
You're the universe I'm helpless in
An astronomer at my best
When I throw away the measurements

Like a telescope
I will pull you so close
'Til no space lies in between
And suddenly I see you
Suddenly I see you

I was a billion little pieces
'Til you pulled me into focus
Astronomy in reverse
It was me who was discovered

21, or 30, or even 40. you’ll bloom when you’re ready. only thing that matters is never giving up

TOM ROSENTHAL - LIGHTS ARE ON

Feeling pumped up for work cause it's friday. Counting down a few more hours til end of work... ;) Here are two playlists :} Not a widespread variety of bands, could only think of these off my head this morning while travelling

old school rock/alternative rock songs

upbeat old school beats(?) hehe

what brings me joy. you, of course. always you.

Brain being fried these days, from work. Looking forward to thursday, friday, saturday and maybe sunday? Need longer weekends, more offdays (3/7). But still, daydreaming everyday while travelling to and fro from work #alldayerrday ;) Been raining lots these days...

playlist for roadtrips or partying?

there will always be a piece of you, in me

some 80s groove? #quirky

Let's start our week with good vibes! Away with monday blues :)

Feel like playing volleyball and trying archery & skateboarding, after watching snippets of Olympics 2020. In awe of the divers and gymnasts but... nah, don't think I'm game for that ;P

you are enough. every morning, every sunrise, everyday.

trippy chill melodies

My dad has been feeling a lot better these days (mental state), having his meals regularly with us, cutting down on cigarettes and alcohol. Fingers crossed that this will be the state he's in for the rest of our lives. Kudos to my mom, she's been the most patient with him despite him pushing us away, to the point my siblings and I are convinced of her love for him. Probably vice versa ;) , but he's not good with showing his emotions.

Friday
Despite the crazy, hectic week at work... Finally back at Muay Thai class after work (UvU) Felt a lot more tiring than usual, due to the long hiatus since 22 July. But it felt revitalising! ^.^

Saturday
Spent last Satuday with my parents at our new home, me and my mom scatterring rice over all the corners of the house, and my dad judging my mom xD *cute interactions at their age* So, this Saturday, after my dad prayed at his ancestral grave, my parents, oldest sis and I had lunch together. Glad that he's been eating so much more these days.

Afterwhich, I met them cousins at Jewel, Changi Airport. Bought more cute Gatcha toys at Action City. Bought dinner (Nic's treat) to eat back at their home, visited my grandparents whom live in the same block, unboxed our gatcha toys and ended the night with a game of mahjong while some inappropriate anime was playing on the tv XD

BILLIE EILISH - EVERYTHING I WANTED

There is something that I'm very much longing to unfold, but I know that life unfolds according to divine timing (or as christians believe that God has everything planned out for us, each and everyone of us). So I'm trusting and having faith. Being as patient as I can be, even at times when I feel as though my heart is about to explode.

I need you to know that no matter what happens... it was all worth it

emo

"When you’re all alone
I will reach for you
When you’re feeling low
I will be there through"

In contrast to the chill/emo playlist for the post, a more retro vibing one?

stay soft

KAREN O - MOON SONG

Just feel like the world around us is becoming more and more toxic, people too. Would like to find someone, who wants just as much to escape, go road-tripping or something. Maybe new zealand, or maybe anywhere... somewhere with lots of nature, away from people.

Hehe, another playlist

maybe, true happiness is when we are happy with ourselves

A sum41 kind of day... The lack of photos posted, due to the lack of meetups/outings. And I think I stopped with taking selfies ever since 2 years back. :|

One huge event striked off my to-do list at home, last tue (completion of Option). Alleviates a whole load of stress, aside from stress at work (UvU). My family also sat down with the ID yesterday, and finally settled on that as well.

Five years back, I was complaining about how tough adulthood was... and now, most of the errands or tasks at home avalanches down to me. Not sure if it's cause I'm the youngest, or cause I willingly take the load with no complains.
Still, I'm at peace. Trying to relax lots in my free time too :)

kindness comes back to you

jazzy chill?

Inner peace (UvU) No matter what life brings, stay hopeful.

I couldn’t make sense of it; life

More songs to post, cause i plug in 70% of the time ^v^" And now that we can't head out to eat or meet friends, the travelling time from work to home, makes up for lots of "me" time.


A random song that popped up yesterday:

OOHYO - PIZZA

A recent song that boosts my confidence:

JOY CROOKES - FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW

A song that played in my dream when I was a kid:

THE CRANBERRIES - DREAMS

I could hear it playing in the background, vividly. Or maybe cause my family was blasting the song in the living room while I was sleeping...

An emo song that I had on repeat in my teenage years:

SICK PUPPIES - ALL THE SAME

stagnation

Just some songs that popped in my playlist last night/today. Upbeat ones, as well as emo ones :)

real love meets you in your mess

LIFEHOUSE - EVERYTHING

Somehow in a 90s kind of mood? or at least listening to more oldies these days. Think this song featured in Smallville (2001).

Loved the show although I was only 7 then. Probably cause of the good-looking male and female lead X) and the superman plot... and their soundtracks: 1.Save Me, 2.Inside Out, 3.Island In The Sun, 4.Superman, 5.Nuclear, 6.Lonely Day, 7.Fight Test, 8.Don't Dream It's Over, 9.Wave Goodbye, 10.I Just Wanna Be Loved, 11.Everything and 12.Time After Time. Used to listen to the album♥ which my sister bought.


Anyways, back to reality. We are back to Phase 2, and Muay Thai classes got cancelled :( Shall keep my comments to myself and not question the government's decision. For the greater good eh. Maybe more time to start packing my room... will be moving at the end of the year (still living with parents though :| ) Still, can't wait to decorate my future room, and the thought of finally getting another cat ^.^ (after ours passed away 5 years ago v.v)

On the whole, staying contented with my daily, despite work being a bore. Look forward to time spent with friends, fam, and MT, as well as the new home.

someday we will find what we are looking for, or maybe something much greater than that

MICHELLE BRANCH - CREEP (COVER)

Read through my daily list of horoscope quotes today, and came across one that touched me...

it was titled "love letters to the horoscopes"

dear Capricorn, you endure the pain because somewhere there is someone that makes this world a softer place for you. I can see the struggle you go through but I want you to know I appreciate everything you do for anyone. You remind me of a mountain and how everyone sees you as this tough and difficult thing but if people take the time to walk into your soul they would find a lush and wonderful heaven. You are beautiful even in your wild and faltering ways.

Thank you, dear author of this post u.u

accept the end of something in order to build something new

SLEEPING AT LAST - TURNING PAGE

Another song from secondary school days, from watching Twilight.

Recently been watching tarot readings on youtube :) Think I'm finally getting more in touch with my 'spiritual' side? Though it really helps me have a more positive outlook of my future, especially with all the toxic emotions that I have been absorbing from my family these days. Everyone's just too stressed, and needed to let out their emotions. And I don't think I can vent my frustrations on anyone like that...so I just prayed while crying. A much more peaceful way of seeking solace.

Also recently dug deeper into horoscopes. All along, I only knew my horoscope to be Capricorn, with the rooster being my zodiac. However, I'd always felt a little different from how capricorns were depicted. And so recently I came across Sun signs, Moon signs and Ascendent sign. There were even Mecury up til Pluto signs xD.

Anyways, I'm a Capricorn Sun, Aquarius Moon and Capricorn Rising. So cool~ No wonder I've always felt out of place in large groups, even as I'm enjoying myself. And my close friends would sometimes comment how weird/different my thoughts are. Oh, and my ruling planet is Uranus, which symbolizes technology, rebellion, and innovation. Hence, the aquarius/uranus in me would be eccentric, nonconforming and an oddball. But maybe I'm not that extreme cause I still got lotta capricorn/saturn in me, diligent, play by the rules and tough love.

Back to my daily life... I'm back on track with Muay Thai training! (^v^) Somehow, I've really missed it~ Glad to see WQ and the trainers :D And it helps to destress from work or the stressful stuff going on around me. I've also been going to my cousins' place for late night nintendo gaming (UvU) 'Mario Kart', 'Moving Out', 'Sports Party' and 'Asphalt 9'. Things have been looking up, and I've learnt that it depends on one's mentality (how one views their situation, whether in a negative or positive light). So basically, we can choose how we feel with every situation :)

today seems like an unfamiliar scene

ANGUS & JULIA STONE - THE DEVIL'S TEARS

A song I used to listen and love during secondary school & poly days

And the COVID-19 situation has worsen again in my country... Just when we were recovering steadily from last year's dreadful circuit breaker, in phases. And just when I took up a new hobby/sport since March 2021. So I thought of trying for Muay Thai classes, under the suggestion of my best friend WQ. And I loved it!

The first trial class gave me aches and pains all over my calves and thighs, but I decided to start actual lessons just two days after (not giving in to the pain due to the tauntings by my brother -.- but now grateful to him for that). I had love sports since young, sports that doesn't require one to just jog or run for lengths, but sports that included equipment or other forms exercises, or those that require teamwork.

so basically martial arts? basketball, volleyball, netball, soccer, badminton, rockclimbing, kayaking, cycling, rollerblading, skateboarding, swimming, hiking and the list goes on... However, since i'm an introverted person and never really had that many friends, I could only enjoy the team sports in school or like basketball with my cousins.

Anyway, back to Muay Thai... So I was telling WQ how surprised I am at myself for turning up so often, cause I was never really one to be so invested in something. I mean if I'm watching a series, building some DIY stuff, reading a book, building a collection of items; probably. But I haven't really been this invested in a sport since I left school :\ which isn't a good thing... cause sports make me happy; a game of any sport. It lifts my mood so much more than work (of course -.-) or even watching some series.

And I think the people at the gym are real nice, like they feel like family to each other. Though I just newly joined, and am still super shy to talk to everyone. And everyone's all so impressionable; big hearted, fun loving people. So now that I can't attend lessons, being stuck at home until further notice... I'm feeling real gloomy, and missing everyone.

And things at home... are pretty messed up. My family's fine, but there are lots of external forces that put pressure on my dad. To the point where he's so stressed up, and the weakest state I've ever seen him in. The one whom has been carrying us on his shoulders for decades... slumped in his room with no appetite, and having so little conversations/connections with us these days.

My mom, siblings and I are pissed at those people causing this, but we can't take any action against them. We can only hope that Karma hits them hard, and continue to believe that those who do good and live life upright will have good things come their way or better days ahead. T-T

In order to see things differently, you need to see different things

NIKI & PHUM VIPHURIT - STRANGE LAND

Collated post on outings with them girlies, ever since our last overseas trip to taiwan/new year countdown in 2020

18 Jul 2020
Upin hotpot & TWG @ Orchard Rd with Xinyun and Chewen

05 Sep 2020
P.S Cafe @ Ann Siang Hill, Keong Saik Bakery and The Refinery

01 Apr 2021
Staycation @ Sentosa